The DC Traveler

The History of the Millennium…???

by Jon on September 18th, 2007

One of my favorite things to do on a Sunday morning was to grab my copy of the Washington Post and turn to the last page of the Post’s magazine and read Dave Barry’s humor column.  That joy has gone since Dave stopped writing his column in 2005, but he still delights his readers by sharing his personal wisdom and insight into life with a new book once in a while.

According to his bio, (we need to assume it’s totally made up or mostly lies), Dave was a “humor” columnist for the Miami Herald for over 25 years and was syndicated to over 500 newspapers.

In the late 80s, he won a Pulitzer Prize for Commentary, which left  the reading world thinking “huh, Dave who?”

Dave started his journalist career with a small town local newspaper in Pennsylvania, where he “covered a series of incredibly dull municipal meetings, some of which are still going on.”

Having written over 30 books, none of which, Dave claims, contains any useful information, yet his first novel, Big Trouble, was turned into a movie staring Rene Russo and Tim Allen.

A couple of my favorite books that make me laugh out loud are:

• Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States 
• Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need
• My Teenage Son’s Goal in Life is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old and Other Thoughts On Parenting From Dave Barry

And for those of you not familiar with his more critical work, his top priority in life is to repeal the law requiring low-flow toilets in U.S. homes.

 Just a couple of his words of wisdom include:

“The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.”

“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”

“The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.”

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.”

“On Valentine’s Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that also motivates men to observe anniversaries and birthdays: fear.”

“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.”

“There’s a very fine line between a “hobby” and “mental illness”.

Dave will be at the Borders bookstore on Friday, Sept. 21st, probably shamelessly pitching some new book (Dave Barry’s History of the Millennium, So Far), or perhaps prepping for a meeting with top-level government officials at the Federal Department of Toilets and Water Management.

Dave Barry
Borders 
L and 18th Streets, NW
Washington, DC 20006 (map it)

Dates and Times - Friday, Sept. 21st, Noon

Tickets - Free

Nearest Metro Subway Station - Farragut North, Red line, then a 1 block walk.

Parking - Metered street and paid garage parking is available.

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